to be alone

Perhaps I'm undermining the truth about what I'm about to write by writing about it at all but, I honestly feel as though for the first time in my life, I know how to be alone.

I am a people person. Not the type of people person who thrives in new situations, surrounded by new people - that would make me the most awkward people person alive. I just love my friends, and the majority of them have been my friends for years.  I am that girl whose group is almost entirely composed of people met in high school and elementary school, even after going through four years of university. There is a comfort when I'm with these people that I can achieve with only a few of the people I've met recently. Days that I have been forced to spend without the company of another human being - even just an evening! or an afternoon! - have been the days in my life where I have felt the most empty, and in all honesty, a little emotionally unstable, afraid of how dark I can sometimes be. People think I exaggerate when I say things like this, but they have never been with me when I'm alone (obviously).

The last few weeks, most of my friends have been working, while I quit my crazy-hour bakery job and stayed on at the learning centre I've been at since last June, helping kids get through their math and reading booklets for a few hours only, once a week. My days alone, however, haven't felt dark at all. Maybe it's knowing Jo will always be home at around 6:30, or maybe it's the sunshine (oh, that wonderful vitamin D), or maybe I've just grown up a little. Or, maybe it'll get old really quickly and I will reread this post in a months time and laugh at myself, bored out of my mind. Right now though, I'm really not bored at all. I have been sincerely appreciating and enjoying my time alone. Laughing out loud to myself, recording a lot of embarrassing videos on my photobooth where I do things like freestyle in the most terrible way. I feel like I have time and I can use it carefully, as opposed to the long days working at jobs I hated, where I so carelessly wished away every minute.

If I told someone how I spent today, it would sound incredibly boring. I took a walk, listened to some music, drank some coffee and read a book. So boring, right! Nope. Happy day! I'm like an eighty-year old retired lady with a nose ring or something! A lot of people (my mama for example) would probably call it unproductive. To me, it feels like the opposite. Today I didn't throw away time. What's more important than time?

Anyway, whoever reads this, I wish you a happy day too, whatever you do, with whoever you're with. much love - xox